A Letter of Apology
Dear Fan (the appliance, not of blog),

I am sorry for fiercely Karate-chopping you like something serious this afternoon. I was mad at my continued inability to withdraw funds, and famished consequently of the same condition. An empty stomache can drive a man to desperate means. The situation has been resolved now, and as a token of my contriteness, please accept this (unique) description of several heretofore undiscovered (read: HOTT) Italian Fashion trends:
1) The Old Man Vest. Over the course of their lives, Italian men are often unable to carry many of their prized trinkets with them, despite (as far as the evidence is concerned) acquiring many. Due mostly to the pursuit of the moda, modef. This all changes at what my calculations define as age 62, when they become eligible for their Old Man Vest. Suddenly, they can carry around all of the keepsakes that lead to twisting and bewildering stories (usually told too fast, but crushingly definitive in a way) and not have to worry about remembering the prompts in their head... as they're now all in pocket 3c or 1f. Who knows... that's what the fumbling's for.

2) The Desperation Du-Rag. Defines article of "clothing" that is slapdashedly pulled over the hair-zone to protect it from scooterhelmet hair. I've seen everything from Bandanas to plastic bags.

3) The Too-Large-Pants Ostensibly Displaying Underwear. This shocking entry often struggles to stay embraced to the hips of teenage girls. It has at least one pocket, for the cell-phone in theory, that never gets used because they are always SMS'ing or talking on the phone or playing ItalianSnake, which is virtually indistinguishable from Snake. At some point, the wearers realize the error of their ways, and overcompensate by wearing pants so tight that... they look very uncomfortable. yah.

SuddenlyLiquid-PHiL